Eugene’s Parent-Child Preschool

It is important to teach children conflict in productive, nonviolent ways by teaching them the process of problem solving.  Problem solving methods include verbalizing feelings, communicating the problem, creating solutions, discussing solutions, making choices, experimenting with those choices and evaluating the results.

The following steps are useful in teaching and helping children manage conflict.  The steps are listed in sequence and will become routine with practice. 

Steps to Managing Conflict

1. Defuse Anger:  Anger is such an intense feeling that is should be defused before any negotiations can happen.  Make sure nobody is hurting themselves, others or property.
2. Collect Information:  Ask each child, “What happened?”
3. State the Problem:  Clearly restate the problem, including everyone’s needs.
4. Listen to People’s Feelings:  Help children become aware of their own feelings as well as those of others by listening to and reflecting the feelings expressed.
5. Think of Solutions:  Encourage the children to think of some solutions.  “How could this be different?”
6. Look at Possible Consequences:  Help children examine the possible consequences of the solutions.
7. Plan the Solution:  Help children plan the final solution, and help implement as needed.

For younger children who are not able to verbalize for themselves, it is important for the adult to help the children verbalize.  For example, instead of asking them how they feel, ask, “Do you feel angry?”  Help them express the problem, feelings and solutions by asking simple questions they can respond to with a simple yes or no.

Supporting children’s growth using this guide will help them become negotiators in conflict management and will encourage their independence.  As they learn to problem solve, they will need less adult intervention.  They will grow in confidence.

Information provided in part by Sierra Madre Community Nursery School